I watched a video tonight on the 10 Things Las Vegas
Tourists need to stop doing. I thought it was very interesting, but I
have a few rules of my own.
Now Vegas is the top destination for brides/grooms, gamblers
and party people. We love that you
chose Paradise in a desert to explore your deepest indulgence but there are
several rules that should be followed so that you aren’t known as “that guy” *cough*
cough* Scott Disik…… but Discretion is Vegas’ key feature.
Rule 1.
Whooo!!! Fuck Yeah!! Vegas!!!!! YES it hurt my ears and was fucking annoying. I know!!!! I get that you are dressed head to toe in your
favorite Fear and Loathing outfit, so freaking excited that you are walking
down a street with a vodka flavored icee that you couldn’t even shell out
enough money to get the extra shot that actually makes it a good drink, But
really man. Stay out my face.
Here’s a High Five now walk the fuck on!
Rule 2. I get
that you are parents and brought your kids for all the height regulated rides
but don’t complain in your drunken stupor about how sexually heated some free
panty giveaway at Victoria’s secret is affecting your child’s development. Just stay at the circus, or get a
background-checked nanny from the front desk.
Rule 3. Open
bar!!! We all love that. Yes, but please for the love of god returning over and
over collecting a row of drinks before the deadline and not opening your bottle
at your table without tipping is hella lame. Maybe get a fucking prepaid punch card if you must have bar drinks.
;)
Rule 4. Brides and Grooms, I love the parties and all the
games and yes we do offer some comps but please don’t expect EVERYTHING for
fucking free. Those are reserved for the gamblers who reached their tier.
Rule 5. If you
are not born in Vegas you are just a visitor who maybe lived here for a really
long time. (10 plus years is grandfathered in.)
Now that brings me to Rule 6. Locals on guest-lists are a host or promoters way to weed
out the bottle poppers. You
still have to wait in line maybe even pay on an event night you are not that special.
Rule 7. Ladies,
ladies, ladies. When we
invite you to come for the free swag we are expecting you to stay after and buy
drinks. Don’t get in a damn fight
cause you have to wait in line for your free shoes or purse.
Rule 8. We can feed
the models but not a lot. You are
invited because you are hot. Don’t bring your boyfriends unless they are paying. It’s a single ladies only dinner.
Rule 9. Just
because the cocktail waitresses and models dress to impress doesn’t mean they
are charging. If you want that, just go over the hump to Pahrump.
Rule 10.
Now to the VIP’s …….. I
will do everything in my power to make all your "wishes" come true. Remember that dollar is too much but a
thousand is never enough.
We appreciate your visit.